Animal jokes
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
Memes
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).