Animal jokes
Mole
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
A baby seal walked into a club.
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.