Animal jokes
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.