Animal jokes
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
A baby seal walked into a club.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Mole
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.