Animal jokes
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Memes
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.