Animal jokes
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
My bird. PRETTY BIRD! PRETTY BIRD!
Others CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP!
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
You look as fat as a pig.
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0