Animal jokes
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
If you're having a bad day, just remember the Blobfish exists.
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
I want to die.
Q: What is a cow?
A: A bad cow.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
When pigs went to the desert, they turned into bacon.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂