Animal jokes

A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.

Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?

A: Because it will eat your "aunts."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.

What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?

About a few thousand miles.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.

"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.

"Heard of what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Of course I've heard of cows."

"No, a cow herd."

"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

How do fish get to school?

On a octobus.

Lol.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.

Why was the Koala Bear so clever?

Because he had good koalifications!

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

"Deja moo!"

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?

Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?

The Milky Way!

What do mice eat for dinner?

Mac n Cheese.

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.

Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

What’s a sheep’s favorite song?

"Baby Don’t Herd Me."

Where do sheep go to shop?

Woolmart.