Animal jokes
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
Memes
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Who is chicken's favorite actor?
James Cor-hen!
What is a fish’s 🐟 favorite game?
Salmon Says!
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.