Animal jokes
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?
Do you think he saw us?
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
What does a chicken give you?
Student: Meat.
What does a pig give you?
Student: Bacon.
What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Who is chicken's favorite actor?
James Cor-hen!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.