Animal jokes
What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs are both the same!
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
What makes a bird fly?
Bird food!
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎
Memes
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
What happened to the dog that crossed the road?
What did one Koala say to the other?
"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
What do you call a dabbing cow?
Udder savagery.
Octopussy.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
What did the rooster say to the hen? Goodbye.
What is the difference between a human and a magic dog night?
Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?
Because he wanted it to smell good.
Why are mice bad singers?
They are very cheesy.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.