Animal jokes
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it!
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work. 😂😂
Yo mama is so fat she turned the mermaids to fishes.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
What type of bee can't fly...
Answer: Kobeee!
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂
Why didn't the koala climb up the tree?
Comment down below!
What did the duck eat for lunch?
Soup and quackers.
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.