Animal jokes

Why did I shoot my dog?

Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

What happened to the dog that crossed the road?

What did one Koala say to the other?

"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

What did the rooster say to the hen? Goodbye.

Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?

Because he wanted it to smell good.

What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?

"This taste a little funny."

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Licka-lotta-puss.

What do you call a dabbing cow?

Udder savagery.

What's the difference between a bird and jam?

You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.

Why are mice bad singers?

They are very cheesy.

Octopussy.

What do you call a mosquito in your language?

We don't call them, they just come and bite.

What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?

Dead mooves.

What is the difference between a human and a magic dog night?

What is the difference between a human and a magic dog? What is a human.

Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.

What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?

Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.