Animal Jokes

What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?

Dead mooves.

What is the difference between a human and a magic dog night?

What is the difference between a human and a magic dog? What is a human.

Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.

What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?

Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!

Most autisitic person ever.

A tweet with the text "And YES it's possible for an animal to be trans. Your cat having a penis does not make it male. It's animal abuse to misgender your animals." followed by a picture of a man with a shocked expression. Below the picture is the text "We're hitting autism levels that shouldn't even be possible."

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.

Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?

It was ran over. 🐧

What do you call a retarded duck?

Fuck duck and lick my balls.

There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?

A - 10

Why do women have legs? Because they would leave snail tracks wherever they went.

Why do cows die?

'Cuz they are to beef.

...... fuck the turtles...... THE END

There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.

The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"

The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."

The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"