Animal jokes
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
Why do women have legs? Because they would leave snail tracks wherever they went.
Memes
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Why did the cow go to space? To go to the moon.
"You're fat as a cow."
"......."
"Nope."
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your fat ass mom.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Pssh.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!
Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side and meet his friend.
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”
Where do you take your pig to karate?
The pork chop class!
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Fuck you, that's why.
I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!