Animal jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Memes
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What's a pig's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
What's a bull's favorite body part?
An eye-BULL!
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
What egg do you buy an orphan?
Free range.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
Why did the chicken cross the road?
IDK! WHY?
To go see yo mama!
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"