Animal jokes
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
Why did the chicken enter the cave?
Because it wanted to get to the Dark Side.
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Why do cheetahs always win the race? Because he cheats, duh!