Animal jokes
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
Why did the chicken enter the cave?
Because it wanted to get to the Dark Side.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Donibobes is an owl. (hehe look up donibobes YT!)
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?
Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?
Because he was hoppy.
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."