Animal jokes
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉
Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?
No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
Why does rapeboat like going to the dog shelter? It's cheaper than a whore house.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't f***ing matter, it's still not f***ing coming.
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
gay fish.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!