Animal jokes
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What's a pig's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake.
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
JAW don't know sh*t!
Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?
What kind of bear has no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What's a cow's favorite thing?
A mooooovie.