Animal jokes
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Day 18
What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!