Animal jokes
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Memes
*Side eye*
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!