What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Animal Jokes
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What's Superman's weaknesses? Kryptonite and horses.
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
What animal lies? A lion.
What does the Fox say?
Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
