What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
