Animal jokes
What did the bull say when he went to college?
Bison!
My friend made a joke about dogs. I said it was a RUFF joke.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why did the penguin pull out a tooth? It was Mexican.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.