Animal jokes
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
I lick cows for my mother.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
Two baby seals walk into a club.