Animal jokes
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Meow meow meow meow :p
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer (no idea).
There was a dino at the library today.
It was reading a thesaurus.
What place can you find a cow? Mc'Donalds (Eieio)
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What fish sings?
A tuna.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"