Animal jokes
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What fish sings?
A tuna.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
What do cows like to watch? Moovies.