Animal jokes
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
What do cows like to watch? Moovies.
What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.