Animal jokes
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten-tickles.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
Dodo.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
What happens if you sit under a cow?
You get a pat on the head.