Animal jokes
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
What do you call an animal that knows karate? Moose Lee 😊😁
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.