Why aren't koalas actual bears? Because they dont meet the koalafications
A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? -- A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer : Chi-ca-go
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
what's a rabbits favourite song? hip hop
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek? Because he's always spotted
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: hey, what are you doing?
Child: oh I just milked one of your cows
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls
Child: *realizes*
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
What do you call a alligator that cant geg hard. A reptile disfunction
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk
what do you call a running chicken
scared
A kid is watching tv and sees an ad about adopting an animal,he then turns to his mother and says “do we have to adopt a donkey” “no” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it......we adopted you”.
