Animal Jokes

Anonymous

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

1
geust

FIRST DATE

man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

Anonymous

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say ‘Thank God’ and to stop the horse, to say ’ Hallelujah’. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".

Crypto

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

4
Anonymous

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

1
Anonymous

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

2
Anonymous

Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

Anonymous

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.

0
Anonymous

How do you count cows? – With a cowculator.

5
Anonymous

Two horses are standing in a field. “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” says the first.

“Moo!” says the second.

HERALD

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I’m still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

Anonymous

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.

suckonmepeen

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a Shitzu.

Larry Dickens

what do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly Mammoth.

Anonymous

Why do cows wear bells? – Because their horns don’t work.

1
Anonymous

Why aren’t koalas actual bears? Because they dont meet the koalafications

7
koke king

what do you call a running chicken

scared

Anonymous

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten-tickles.

Anonymous

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

2
Anonymous
in Marriage

My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.