What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Animal Jokes
FIRST DATE
man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say ‘Thank God’ and to stop the horse, to say ’ Hallelujah’. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
How do you count cows? – With a cowculator.
Two horses are standing in a field. “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” says the first.
“Moo!” says the second.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I’m still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a Shitzu.
what do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly Mammoth.
Why do cows wear bells? – Because their horns don’t work.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? Because they dont meet the koalafications
what do you call a running chicken
scared
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten-tickles.
What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.