Animal jokes
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Top ten dog breeds:
10. Dogs
9. Are
8. Beautiful
7. Animals
6. And
5. Judgement
3. Is
2. Cruel
1. Dachshund
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
What do you call a cow that can't milk?
A failure!
Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. Because he/she wanted to watch the moooovie.
Why do you stink?
Because you haven't showered, tu, perro.
A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
I like tortles.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."