How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten-tickles.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
Why don’t blind people skydive? – Because it scares their dogs too much!
what do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly Mammoth.
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Because they’re dead.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabites.
A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.
How does a cow become invisible? – Through camooflage.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say ‘Thank God’ and to stop the horse, to say ’ Hallelujah’. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.
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