Animal jokes
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Americans:
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs! 😈🥚
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
What is a cow's favorite party game?
Moo-sical chairs!
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.