Animal Jokes

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.

A kid is watching tv and sees an ad about adopting an animal,he then turns to his mother and says “do we have to adopt a donkey” “no” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it......we adopted you”.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.

WHY ANIMALS IN POLAR REGION HAVE THICK FUR? BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A BARBER 🤣🤣🤣

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

What is a school shooter's favorite animal??

A Desert Eagle

What kind of animal falls from the sky??????

Answer- A raindeer

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

*JMC* ANOMALY-931 "Gwen" Idenification: just a stupid animal. with a big ass heart

Best way to trick your friends:

A brick falls out of a plane.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.