My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu
Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail? -- To the retail store!
god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig
friend: “ whats that on your arm” me: “ oh nothing just decided i wanted to cosplay a tiger “
how do you pet a psychopaths cat?
you get it out of the microwave
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
YOU GET A MILKSHAKE!
What does a cow say when he remembers something? "I have deja moo!"
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten-tickles.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P
What kind of Bees make milk?
BooBees
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs? -- One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? -- Beef jerky.
