Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

Why do cows wear bells? – Because their horns don’t work.

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? – A bi-polar-bear.

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? – A cross.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? – Because the octopus was well armed.

What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

It got pissed off.

“What do you call a deer with no eyes?” – “No-eye-deer.”

Where did the sheep get a hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

For sale: Dead Canary.

Not going cheep.

What’s the difference betwen a alligator and a crocrodile? One of them you’ll see in a while and the other one you’ll se later

Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of anti-bodies.

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? – A moosician.

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, “You man the guns, I’ll drive!”

what’s a rabbits favourite song? hip hop

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