Animal Jokes

M

Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of anti-bodies.

Anonymous

Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?

He got inked up.

2
Hana

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer : Chi-ca-go

Daniel King
in Eagle

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

RandomNameCuzI'mLazy 6^6
in Depression

Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T

Reticent_Owl

A mouse is just like a ball bearing.

Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.

Anonymous

Why don’t blind people skydive? – Because it scares their dogs too much!

0
Anonymous

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? – A cross.

0
Crazy 🐈 lady

What do you call a cow with no legs

Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes

5
Planet

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

Decalffeinated.

random_person

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!” (Found on the web if you don’t like it don’t leave a hate comment)

Anonymous

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

0
Anon ymous
in Puns

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

7
Anonymous

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

0
Anonymous
in Doctor

What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

Anonymous

Where do cows go on holiday? – Moo Zealand.

Anonymous

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabites.

Alert bird

What do rat’s like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake

Anonymous

what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village

Anonymous

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.