Analog jokes
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
They call me an elevator because I let people down.
I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.