Age jokes
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.
Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"
Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.