Age jokes

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.

Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

What does 9 and 36 add up to?

A life in prison.

Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.

Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?

In fact, they don't age at all.

Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.

Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."