Age jokes

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

Yo mama so old, she was accepted for the museum.

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.

I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.

Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?

The black one... he's 13!

Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.

Yo mom's so old, she went into the museum and walked out with a raise.

Who is the least young Dave?

Dave-on.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Hehe

What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.

Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.