Age jokes
A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.