Thor jokes

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.