Thor jokes

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

Iran: We can beat the USA.

Japan is typing...

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.