Thor jokes

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"