Thor jokes

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?

Asgard.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.