Age jokes

Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

To all the children on this website, hello!!!!! Hey!!!! How is life treating you?

(BTW I'm a kid, too. I'm Hayley, and I'm turning 13. My B-day is 10/08/2008.)

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

What's the difference between Axne and a priest??

One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.

A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

What is a playground that is old?

A rotten playground.

What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?

A belly button.

Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

At 11, she wanted to see her mom.

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.