Aed jokes
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
Nostalgia hits you like a train.
It's so hard, you can even wake up.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
Boy Scout...
- A kid who dressed like an idiot.
- An idiot who dressed like a kid.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
A bee said to his naughty son, "Honey, stop bee-ing abnormal and bee positive!"
Q: If a boat could fly, where would it go?
A: An airport.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Robetoe.
Lesbian stands for:
L: Loving
E: Extra
S: Shitty
B: Bitches
I: I
A: Am attracted to
N: Nice girls.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!