Aed jokes

Yo Momma so slutty she uses a SpaceX rocket as a dildo.

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?

Abo-lanche.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"

When does an emo get jealous at a phone?

When it dies.

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.

Doctor: I see your point!

My cousin called me ugly.

Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.

Knock knock.

Who's there? Discord server.

Discord server who?

This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.

Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?

A leaf.