Aed jokes
Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.