Aed jokes
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
What is a gathering of octopuses called?
Octoposse.
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
I got a call from NASA. They’ve reached your hairline.
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.
Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).
P.S. I have no friends.
What did Michael Jackson say when he became a triangle? Tetraheehee!
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?