Aed jokes
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
A happy family.
Why was nine scared of ten?
Because five was a registered twelve offender.
Wait, can I try the joke again?
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
What's the useless skin around the vagina? A woman.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
Moxxie: ThEy CaLlEd Me A pOsSuM!! i'M nOt A pOsSuM!!
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.