Aed jokes

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.

What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?

Panera bread serving food.

I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.

Man #2: My son died at level 4.

Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.

Tell me a joke about sodium.

Na.

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?

"Meoooow!"

Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

What is a pup's favorite pizza?

Pupperoni

What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

I hate wearing a mask in public.

What does a gay horse eat?

Haaaaaaay!