Aed jokes
The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?
He didn't open it yet.
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.