Aed jokes
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
How can you tell if a white homophobic heterosexual man with bisexual tendencies is a Christian nationalist?
He gives anonymous blowjobs to men regardless of their sexual orientation.
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
A woman walked up to me and asked me for a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women can't be funny.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
Why are Bengalis so fishy?
Because the fish ate them on a daily basis.
The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.