Aed jokes
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.