Aed jokes
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.
My mum's a carrot.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.