Aed jokes

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?

He wanted to clean out the blanket.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Why does Hitler hate golf?

He would end up in a bunker!