Aed jokes

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.

Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?

Black ops.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.