Aed jokes
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
Why are Orphans so bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I rate you a 9/11.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
FOR REAL
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.