Aed jokes

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

Why couldn't George Floyd become a Demon Slayer?

Because he couldn't breathe.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.