Aed jokes

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?

Answer: A chalkboard.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left hanging.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.

Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?

Others: R.

Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.