Aed jokes
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
What happens when water loses its bottom jaw?
It had a hurt o-chin (ocean)!
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?
Border hoppers! LOL.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
If aliens were real,
then orphans would finally have a home.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Why couldn't the orphan go on the school field trip?
Because it required a parent's signature.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.