Aed jokes
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
Isn't a gaming console something people use to not be alone?
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE 50% OF THE GAMES OFFLINE?!??!?!
What does Michael Jackson like to carry around? A little ball sack.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
An orphan walks into a science lab. The lead scientist greets him and takes him to a DNA testing station. After some procedures, the results come back:
"UNKNOWN"
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.