Aed jokes

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

When people make accounts about you and a category.

Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.

What's a school shooter's favorite flower?

Columbine.

God creating bees.

God: "Put a needle on their butt."

Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"

God: "Make its puke delicious."

Angel: "WTF"

The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get fat.

What? Were you expecting a pi joke?

what's black and red and is a liquid?

my scars!

Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?

He got inked up.

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

What do you call a roach in milk?

A roach con leche. 😂