Aed jokes

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.

How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.

How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.

What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?

Because pride is a bigger tragedy.

What is a gay person’s favourite meal?

Willy con carne.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you have frog's legs?"

"Why, yes."

"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.

Why can't you kill a depressed person?

Because they are already dead inside.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."