Aed jokes
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
Memes
Why have I not seen these posters in my neighbourhood?
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
Why did the OREO go to the dentist?
Because he needed a filling. 😂