Aed jokes
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.