Aed jokes
What did the rapper say when he lost his voice?
"I guess I'll have to drop a SILENT TRACK!"
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.
Stephanie has a great thumb!
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"
Marvin: "I don’t believe that."
Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"
The next morning,
Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"
*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*
Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
What sound do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
Meow.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...