Aed jokes

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.

How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?

In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.

A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.

How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?

One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.

Yo mama so dumb she bought a toolkit to open up a Roth IRA.

How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?

Because they're so good at it.

A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?

I want to be a bag so we can be together.

The quiet kid, orphan, and school shooter walked into a bar, and he ordered a beer.

What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.

What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.

What do you call it when a tranny commits suicide?

A good start.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

You are a Sp-Ed,

And clearly a Jew.

What do you call a bus full of stoners?

The Magic School Bus.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

Roses are tree.

I shoved a battery up my butt.

Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."