Aed jokes

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?

Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.

What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.

Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They wait for it to turn itself in.

What song is the most annoying for a Serb?

Sweet Home Alabama (because it sounds like Sweet Home Albania)!

What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?

You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.

What do you call a talentless Korean person? Us Lee Less!

If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?

Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?

Because they're basically zombies.

What is the Twilight series about?

A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.

What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?

Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?

Hopscotch.

When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

Why would you make jokes about birth control?

It's a great labour-saving invention.

What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?

He waves his arms like a space invader.

What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?

"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."

How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?