Aed jokes

What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?

"Jit was lagging."

What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?

Trick question, emo is a handicap.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.

Follow me.

I heard a noise, so I'm dead.

Why were the mushrooms the cool guy at the party? Because he was a fungi.

What do you call a hippo that lays eggs? A eggoppotimos.

Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.

Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.

Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!

Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.

Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?

Why is the ocean blue?

A: Because the fish go, "blu-blu."

What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?

Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.

Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

How do you cause an African parade?

You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!

How many beans are there in Irish chili?

Answer: 239

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?

Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."

Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.

I would make a joke, but it won't be as explosive as the others.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?

They're both hot, but they're both quiet.

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."