Aed jokes
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."