Aed jokes
300? You are a 3.0.
What’s a downy's favorite song? Down Under.
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
Your hairline goes so far back that even Gavin, who looks like a monkey, can't see it!
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”
What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?
The "curry muncher 2000."
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.