Aed jokes
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
Why can't orphans fail a test?
Because the teacher is gonna ask their parents to sign it.
Me: Knock, knock.
Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
What do you call a tire that is tired?
A tire, I guess. ❤️
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
What does Michael Jackson like to carry around? A little ball sack.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.