Aed jokes
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."
My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"
Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.