Aed jokes
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support its family.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?