Aed jokes
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
What did the South tower get instead of pepperoni pizza?
It got a bunch of plane.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, then they got plane.
I saw a man. I saw another man. And I saw another. Where am I? Comment below.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
What is another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.