Aed jokes

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?

Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

Yo mama so stupid, she bought a solar powered flashlight.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.

It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.

Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.